dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
