chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
