If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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