I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
