If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
