How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
