Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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