did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
