Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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