I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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