I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she looked like the before picture.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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