some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
