im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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