apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
