yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
