I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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