I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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