we have pet lesbian snakes
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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