"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
