theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
