maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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