am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
