dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
