32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just high enough for therapy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
