why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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