im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
