I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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