I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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