in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
