i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
