the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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