There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Congratulations! We have a period
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