just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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