so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
