it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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