U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
