Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
