OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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