The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
