can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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