I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
