Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
