i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
