Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
