My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
