Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
