Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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