she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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