don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
