I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
