a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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