My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
