I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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