The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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