So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
