nut hugger
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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